eeeek. !@#$%^.

i can't sleep.

2005-09-01T10:11:44Z

i don't want to move. at all. i'm seriously thinking of running away. but i have no where to go. ew. maybe i should rob a bank and get some money to buy a house? hmmmm. good idea. or i should steal a car and drive drive drive. maybe to hollywood? i'm hungry, i haven't ate for a while and we have no fucking food at all in the house. fucking gay man. i feel like i'm going to barf. ew. i want to take a stroll down to the park, but i'm to lazy. maybe to denny's to get some food, i think i will do that right now. goodbye.

so i'm moving to Oregon.

2005-08-14T12:05:49Z

because i lost most of my friends.

sarah and amy - i can't go to there house, EVER. i can't call them on the phone, i can't even see them at a public place. wtf, ajsdfhl.

brooke - i have no idea, i just can't go over there, she can't go over here, we don't talk like we use to, that's all.

josh - nevermind, he is fine with me now, i was just mad, oh well, it's over.

so that's why i basically want to move now, i mess up everything, and yeah i know it's true.
blahhhh, i don't have anywhere to live anyways.
aksjdfhakjd.

goodbye.

xxxxxxxxxxx

2005-08-13T14:30:08Z

i'm going to be straightedge.
yeah, i said that before, but now i finally understand how stupid it is.
this time i don't know how many people i hurt.
aksdhfa.

this is the new me......

blah, i'm lame.

hotdamn_asain @ 2005-08-12T04:41:00

2005-08-12T11:45:28Z

okay, so i haven't wrote in this thing in forever! soo i'm going to start again since i'm soo bored. well i think i'm finally going to quit drugs for good because i just do the dumbest shit when i am on them, and end up hurting people as well as hurting myself. i don't think it's worth it at all. soo yep. i baked a cake at like two in the morning, pretty fun, but i wish i had someone with me. oh well. ummmm, i hope i do something today, asdfhal, i hate being bored. ewwww. i'm stretching my ears, it kinda hurts, and yeah, i'm going to get me some of that cake, yummmmm.

p.s. sorry for who ever i hurt, i really didn't mean it

hotdamn_asain @ 2005-07-16T07:56:00

2005-07-16T15:08:32Z

okay, so i haven't written in this thing for a while, but oh well. i got my lip done, and it's swollen like a balloon, thanks brandon. and that's really all, i would take a picture for you of it, but you would probably puke. and adam would puke even if it wasn't swollen. so here is a picture of it not swollen...

hotdamn_asain @ 2005-07-05T01:58:00

2005-07-05T09:06:23Z

okay so it's thomas's birthday tomorrow, well today. and i really want to do something special, or get him something speical. i'm going to call him, and wish him a happy birthday. then hopefully buy him a build a bear, since fluffy fruitcake is from build a bear. i thought that was a good idea. i just want to do something nice for him, he deserves it. well i did nothing on fourth of july, because i'm grounded. but i really had nothing to do even if i wan't grounded, so it wasn't that bad. i'm watching the notebook right now, i love that movie, a lot. it makes me want a boyfriend, ajkfhla. but guys aren't like that theses days. eeeek, oh well. soo i hope i can go to the mall tomorrow to buy him that build a bear, if i can you should come with me. =] well goodnight.

hotdamn_asain @ 2005-07-03T02:27:00

2005-07-03T09:35:49Z

okay, so the fourth of july is coming up. how super would it be to kiss under fireworks, pretty super. sooo, let's do it? i want to find a boy basically, im sick of being single. halsdjfasd. the end.

thomas wrote me this...

2005-07-02T13:49:29Z

From: Thomas
Date: Jul 1, 2005 10:16 PM

i heard what happened the other day...Why are you doing this to yourself? You could do soo much with yourself and your throwing it all away. Speed! what the fuck is this...you can't do this....im sure you think i hate your guts and when i think about things i do. but i still care about you and i dont like hearing the stuff i hear about you. What the fuck? You know? If you feel like you lost all of you friends. I'll still listen to you if you need to talk. Hows fluffy :)
234-1283. you better call me on my birthday 7/5....or i'll.....

i still care about thomas very much, and miss him. even though he is five minutes away. i always get sad when i read his messages, i don't know why. and fluffy is my teddy bear he bought for me, well us. i still have shim, and i sleep with shim everynight. no, im not spelling wrong, we dedcided fluffy should be a shim (she, and him). yeah.

that's why im going to stop doing what i have been doing. and yes adam, i listened to you too, and care VERY MUCH about what you think too. but we already talked this over on the internet so im not going to get into it. but i just wanted to let you know i do care about what you say, a lot. even though i already said that.

hotdamn_asain @ 2005-07-02T00:02:00

2005-07-02T07:08:43Z

okay, so i got to go to faiths party. it was really really fun. me and alec were late though, it started at 6:30, but we got there at eight. haha, i had to finish drying my jeans. but we weren't that late. everyone started showing up around that time. so it was cool. the band was good, real good, except they were drunk. haha, and it was really hot in there, so i was sweating like a pig. it wasn't to fun. but other than that, i oved it. and alec decided to smoke, so i was like okay. actually i didn't know where he went, but oh well. he was hardcore dancing, and all this other stuff. it was hilarious. but he didn't spaz out, then faint. sooo i was kind of sad, because that is like the funniest part when he is high. haha. but yeah, we had to go home like a half an hour earlier because im in trouble so i couldn't stay that long. but i was still very fun. and i was really really hungry in the car. i wanted like 8347902 different places for food. i don't think that sentence made sense at all. sorry. well when i got home i ate like a beast. i was sooo hungry, and i still am. so right now, im going to get me some ice cream. mmmhhmmmm. bye. oh, and i hope i go to bed early tomorrow, because i have to wake up at like seven. eeeek. oh well, buh bye.

hotdamn_asain @ 2005-07-01T04:43:00

2005-07-01T11:50:42Z

okay. so i can't get to bed right now and it's almost five in the morning. wow, i must be an inomniac. yay.
i wake up at two in the afternoon everyday. i really need to change how my summer is going, because it sucks.
i lost a lot of my friends, actually just three. but still they were my closest friends, and it's all my fault because of my stupid actions. i hope my summer gets way better. nathaniel is grounded, and that's my fault, and adam can't stay with him during summer. eeeeeek. i'm just a life ruiner. i should win an award? i don't know. im going to shut up, and try to get some shut eye. sooooooo. peace out. bye.